Mobile Lav.~
You see these buses dotted around the UK…. They’re BIG, RED and the engine roars when it tries to speed up (assuming, of course, when there’s less traffic…. which is 20% or less of a typical day here in London…) These are pretty hard to miss….
A lesser known fact (which I found out today) they are also doubled as a portable WC by some dubious members of the society….
I went to Tescos to pick up some sherry and chicken for tomorrow night’s dinner (a fav. Chinese dish that Em and I are dying to try out) which we forgot to include in our weekly Tescos delivery. Everything was well (but gloomy…. but hey, this is the UK!) and tugging my shopping in my trusty ol’ backpack and an extra plastic bag, I made my way to the bus stop. Just when I reach it, the bus came spluttering around the corner… and I thought "Wheyhey!! A bit of luck at last!" (I’m notoriously unlucky when it comes to London buses… well, buses in general….)
So while dreaming about the food that’s at hand (literally) I climbed on board the bus and ‘beep’ed my Oyster (swipe card… for London transport). Then I suddenly realised that the majority of the passangers were gathered at the front end of the bus (where I was) and the back was relatively empty… Only a few seats were taken, and the area near the back door was completely empty…. The bus driver was talking and gesturing frantically on his phone. This bizzare cirumstance puzzled me, as well as the other who were near where I was…. (Indicated by the raised eyebrows, questioning frowns and eyeing the empty seats, but were unable to get to due to the amount of people crammed up front).
On top of that, we were also getting whiffs of something decidedly unpleasant coming from the back.
Being stereotypically British (or attempting to assimilate into the culture by acting stereotypically British), we kept mum about our questions and proceeded to ignore the other passengers on the bus.
After a couple of minutes of waiting at the stop (which did not help our confusion) the harried and slightly flustered bus driver came out of his drivers seat/compartment/closet-thingy and announced:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I’m really sorry about this but the bus is now not in service due to a health and safety hazzard."
He then ushered us out of the bus and told us to wait for the next bus (which was LATE, btw….)
It was then I found out that someone actually did a No.2 ON THE BUS!!!!!!!! No, I have no idea who it was (Don’t think anyone on the bus knew either…. we were all pretty bemused) nor did I actually SEE it (Thank GOD!)
Heard snippets of toilet-humour bounding around the bus stop after that…. *sniggers*
But come on!!! Who the bl**dy h*ll would have sh*t on the bus and ran off?!?!?! WITHOUT anyone at the back noticing!??!?!?!?!?! How one earth would that have happened?!?!
*sigh* Public transport…. Never a dull moment….. *faints*
